So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
