if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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