A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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