Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
