you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
