It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
