I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
