there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
