this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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