THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
