I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
