My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize