I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize