please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
