Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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