I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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