ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
