Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I can't trust your balls anymore.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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