Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
