Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
