My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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