Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
