my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize