i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
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