I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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