I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
