Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Randomize
