everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
