Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
