I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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