I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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