it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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