We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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