Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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