The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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