All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
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