I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
