remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Never joke about your clitoris.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
