I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
