Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
