Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
