That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
