you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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