You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
