I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
