We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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