Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize