Where did you get a picture of my penis
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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