I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
if i died would you start the facebook group?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
