Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
