dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I came so hard my ears popped.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
