you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
just tell him i said nine months
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Randomize
