Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
