This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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