btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
