I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
