you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize