I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
