I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
