I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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