i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
