It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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