did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Define "chronic" masturbator.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Farmville is her only friend.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
