wrigley field is MILF paradise
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
