dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
