hotel room ftw
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
