You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
