I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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