so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
