I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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